Sexual Fun With Food

foodfun

Food isn’t just for eating and nourishment, food can and is being used for naughty sexual purposes as well. I had a lady caller a few weeks ago that asked me if I’d ever masturbated with yogurt. I can honestly say I haven’t. I said I just use regular lube. She seemed to like the yogurt though, and well, it is more natural than lube, and is used by women vaginally at times for yeast infections, so certainly couldn’t harm you in any way.

She had also played with cucumbers and bananas and asked if I’d tried it. No, not for me, but ones are doing things with phallic shaped foods. Men have certainly called while using them and have even consumed them afterwards, sort of a getting rid of the evidence act in case wifey asks why a perfectly good carrot or cucumber is sitting on top of the garbage. That’s one way to get rid of it. Cutting holes in fruits or vegetables is something a great many men have tried to simulate a pussy. I guess a melon is a lot cheaper than a Fleshlight. Food – the disposable sex toy.

Once in a while a caller will ask if I’ve ever poured all over myself and smeared it all over my body, like pudding, custard, oatmeal, honey. No, can’t say that I have, but some love the idea of the messiness of it. One did say once he wanted to fill my pussy with honey and jam. I recall as a child reading my mom’s Penthouse Forum magazines I took when she wasn’t looking and reading about a man that written in that he and his girlfriend had gotten take out hamburgers and he stuffed it between her pussy lips and ate it out of her like that. Firstly, I’d be worried about hot food being placed between my pussy lips, second, imagine the mess! Grease, ketchup, onions, mustard, relish, oh Lord, what a mess to clean out if your cunt lips weren’t seared from the hot food! I have read those “mailed in” letters were fake, perhaps this was one of those!

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I Wanna Fuck Your Feet!

footlight

Foot jobs and foot lovers all over may be lining up to get one of these. Creepy as it is to masturbate with what looks like a severed foot, ones can now slide their dick into a Fleshlight type toy in the shape of a foot and get off into it. Complete with fancy, strappy sandals for full effect. I guess if your foot fetish extended to shoe fetish, you could even buy new shoes to go on your new masturbation toy.

There are many sorts of disembodied body parts you can find on online sex toy shops, from breasts, asses, pussies, torsos, heads, it looks like a cleaned up crime scene pic minus the blood and gore. All I can think of is some Dexter episode gone horribly awry when I see these “parts” that guys are masturbating with. A Fleshlight I kind of get, it’s not too creepy, but some of these are full size body part simulators, some you can even fill up with warm water to make feel *body temperature*. The parts things seem even more creepy than the full sized expensive love dolls that are thousands of dollars.

I recall linking one such toy to a client once and asking him his opinion. He said he was sure it likely felt good, but after he’d cum he said he’d bet he’d be awash with an overwhelming sense of shame at it! I was laughing at his description. Another client I had acquired a pair of breasts that he loved to do titty fucks with, it has some sort of suction cup thing on the back and he’s stick it down to a table top and go to town on it and feel no such shame at all. I guess for some, they take the place of a real woman, but unless she was an amputee with a false leg, you wouldn’t be fucking into the hollow of her ankle.

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Please Suck My Cock

oralsex

Some of the callers that confess things to me never cease to amaze me. One poor guy told me in his 14 year marriage, his ex wife never once gave him a blow job, yet she expected oral from him on her. The selfishness of some people is really mind boggling to be sure. He said as soon as his marriage was over one of the first things he did was see an escort and get a blow job. He hadn’t had one since before he met his ex wife.

Obviously he was a submissive to tolerate such behavior from his wife and he said yes, he was totally submissive and he’s always worried about sounding perverted when in fact his calls are very vanilla compared to most. There are in fact many men going around in states of sexual deprivation, and not just for oral sex. Sex in general, and it astounds me more are not willing to either leave their marriages entirely or see women on the side at the very least. They still defend the cold wives and call me harsh for saying they should kick their cold fish wives to the curb. They are really in prisons of their own making and content to stay there it seems.

Oral sex is a pleasure for many and having a partner that can please us in that way and keep themselves nice for us. Not everyone is into being shaved bare, but it’s a good thing to at least ask your partner if they’d like that if you are not shaved or waxed. Maybe they like the natural look, but they might not and be a bit shy to ask you to remove it, so it’s a courteous thing to do to ask. Who knows, you might get a lot more oral if you do!

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Share The Joy – Masturbation Parties

masturbationparties

What’s better than masturbation alone? Well masturbating with others is a lot of fun too. Things like phone sex, cyber sex, cam sex that are all ways of not masturbating alone and incorporating another person into your activity. Masturbation parties are a way of being in the same room, face to face with others, even more personal that seem to be growing in popularity.

There have always been circle jerks of young guys masturbating and even older ones that may watch porn together and jerk off in the same room, it’s just a way to enhance the sexual excitement and now it’s becoming even more popular for mixed parties to hold parties like this. In recent years Masturbate A Thons have taken hold with dozens and dozens of people masturbating in each others presence as if if it’s the most normal thing in the world to be wanking with a roomful of naked strangers, these aren’t friendly gatherings of a few of your closest perviest friends, these are people you’ve never laid eyes on that are all there to masturbate in full view of each other.

It really is a changing world. When I grew up I lived in fear of my grandmother catching me, thank God it never happened, now people are finding it the in thing to do to go to an organized masturbation even and stripping down and cumming in the same room as people you’ve never even spoken to. I’ve never tried it, likely never will, a masturbation party that is, but if you’re a bit of an exhibitionist or a bit of a voyeur, why not, maybe there will be something there for you to get off on and enhance your masturbation.

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Impregnation And Breeding Phone Sex

sperm

A fantasy many men enjoy, some that in real life may not even like or want children, is impregnation. The idea of knocking a girl up, filling them with their seed is an intoxicating one to many men. Bareback sex with no condoms, is certainly popular, the feeling of nothing in between you, there’s nothing more intimate than that, but giving you their seed to flood your womb is very intimate and connecting.

Most into this fantasy seem to enjoy the girlfriend experience types of calls with exchanging I love you’s and other terms of endearment that seem to come along with it. Not everyone however is like that. Some are strictly the cold, clinical breeding, with no such mentioning of love or intimacy involved. One that called the other day wanted to make sure I was fertile and how badly he wanted to breed a young woman. He was his mid 50’s, and it seemed wanted to be sure his genes were passed down to the next generation and it was all quite factual, not emotional.

That’s not the first time a client has asked for that either, years ago one had quite a clinical fantasy of being a doctor that was sent to a remote mountain village where he and the assistants that flew in with him were to breed the women there since none of the local men were fertile. It was quite clinical, with only medical names for body parts and certainly no love or romantic lovey dovey feelings involved in any way. So impregnation and breeding fantasies can take different turns either way.

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