I’ve Got a Great Body Though

There are seldom funnier calls than ones that are dealing with small penis humiliation. How can one react other than with laughter when a caller states his penis is the size of a peanut? Yes, it’s sad that nature has shortchanged them this cruel way, but laughter is ones first response. Some men with a small penis are attracted to bodybuilding as a compensating measure. There’s been several callers over the years that feel their otherwise grand physiques should overshadow their tiny little cock. It doesn’t. Ones that are taking steroids will make it even worse.

So your cock will look even smaller the larger the rest of you appears. What woman exactly would be impressed with this? One not into sex of course wouldn’t care, and from what most callers tell me their women are for the most part not into sex, otherwise they wouldn’t be calling girls like me on the phone. So maybe some women that aren’t interested in having sex but want a man for arm candy or to be their provider or father to their children, then to them I guess it would work out just fine. But these men are wanting sex, that’s the problem.

I just start to giggle when I think of them rubbing their tiny little cocks that are smaller than their thumb. Masturbation will be pretty much it for ones of this ilk, so I hope they enjoy their stroke sessions. No woman wants to get fucked by a dick the size of a tube of lipstick. They might do ok with Asian women, since they are used to guys with tiny dicks. Pretty sad state of affairs all round. Maybe they should just turn their attentions to sucking cock, then their little nubs would be of no consequence whatsoever.

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Cum Pleasures

What lady doesn’t love a face full of her man’s jizz being sprayed all over her face? So many callers love the idea of just covering their women in cum, spraying it all over them, their tits, their hair, their feet, and especially their face. Licking it off with love, every precious drop of that salty jizz that’s been spilled out of desire for us. What a compliment to take that liquid gold right in the kisser, mouth wide open, of course! A titty fuck is a good way to get not only precum slathered all over us, but lick that dripping cock head with each thrust between those tits and up to our waiting mouths.

A pearl necklace squirting all over our necks and tits and faces. Now who wouldn’t love to be covered like that!? My guy loves to rub the head of his cock all over my hard nipples, leaving trails of his sweet precum all over my titties. They are big enough I can suck my own nipples to lick it off. It drives him crazy when he sees me do that! I slither my tongue all over his hard dick and lap at the head, hoping to get every drop of that sweetness off of him.

I don’t mind it being shot all over my face, he likes to do it, and he likes to taste his own cum as well. He will lick it off and then give me a big, wet, French kiss to share it. I love those snowball kisses. He likes to lick it out of my pussy as well, he loves that cream pie, lots of guys do. Would you like to call and talk about cumming all over me and making me your cum covered whore? Sounds fun. One of the horny sluts is waiting by the phone right now.

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“I’ll Keep An Eye Out For Ya!”

Sometimes callers never cease to amaze me with their creativity, disturbing though it tends to be. This man called last week for over an hour and what he mostly talked about was various sexual jokes, some were funny, some were odd, and I shared a few of my own and he knew the one as it was. He wasn’t calling to masturbate, just to talk and have a bit of an odd conversation. So this one joke he had was a bit disturbing, and it makes you wonder who thinks about such things.

Needless to say when I looked it up online, there was of course many countless things written about it, simulated pics, even some odd real ones. So he says a man walks into a whorehouse and says he only has $2 to spend, he didn’t think he’d be able to get anything for $2, maybe a hand job if he was lucky. So they tell him to go up the stairs to the last door and knock on it and one of the older, less desirable whore’s will possibly be able to serve him, so he goes and knocks and she tells him to come in. He asks what he can get for the $2, and she tells him this is a bit unusual, but to give it a shot, he wonders what she has up her sleeve.

She removes a glass eye and tells him to put his dick in her eye socket and fuck it, he’s a bit horrified, but so horny he closes his eyes and gives it a go. Surprisingly it feels amazing and he compliments her on her unusual way of doing things. He asks if he could come back the next week to repeat it again and she says of course, “I’ll keep an eye out for ya!” He was laughing his fool head off as he told this joke and several others that weren’t quite as graphic. He liked one of mine as well. “How do you give a man from Arkansas a circumcision?” “Kick his sister in the jaw.” Calls can at times be amusing, that’s for sure.

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Suck My Titties

One thing that many guys get quite aroused by that is hard for most to find is a lactating woman. Most that are breastfeeding are already in a relationship and not looking for guys on the side, so unless a guy has a lactating wife or girlfriend and in most cases they are not giving their men the attention they deserve when they have a new kid to look after, so the poor guys are deprived. Some have said their wives let them taste their breast milk when they were breastfeeding and it turned them on tremendously, so they have wanted to recreate that experience ever since, but when the woman is no longer breastfeeding, it can be hard to get.

They will sometimes call big breasted gals that they want to suck on their tits and drink their sweet, warm milk, feeling it squirt into their mouths, often while they would be having their cocks stroked at the same time. Some want to do mommy roleplay, but not all men are into that that are wrapped up in the breastfeeding fantasy. Some women will go along with it, but this one caller used to go on about how his girlfriend would let him suck on her nipples, but he knew it did nothing for her and she just laid there looking up at the ceiling as he did so, making him feel foolish and awkward.

I wanted to laugh at him, but he was telling me how he genuinely felt, but guys, not all women get pleasure from having their tits mauled, sucked, squeezed, etc. For some it’s as exciting as having their elbow caressed. Some have elaborate plans to do timed sucking to actually make a woman lactate, but I cannot see what woman would go along with such nonsense, but perhaps some do, I guess you just have to keep trying until you find one as into breast milk as you are.

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Pool Party

One of my naughty callers had an idea about if his daughter had a pool party and her scantily clad friends were all there in their tiny bikinis and bathing suits and he was spying on them and masturbating as he did so. So we spun the fantasy how he’d be watching from the garage out a small window that overlooked the backyard and he’d be watching their nubile young bodies as they swam and got up out of the water, I was kind of reminded of the scene from the movie fast Times at Ridgemont High, where the brother is watching his sister’s friend as she emerges from the pool.

So this one friend of his daughter sees him spying on the young girls and she comes into the garage and sees him masturbating, but of course he doesn’t stop and she comes closer for a look and then she reaches over and begins to stroke his cock for him and is soon down on her knees sucking her friends dad’s cock like a little slut. He cannot believe his good fortune at such an event and is enjoying her young lips wrapped around his dick and going up and down.

He places his hand on the back of her head and she’s really deepthroating his cock as he has her head by the pony tail, and she’s soon going to get a mouthful of his jizz right down her throat and feels like such a naughty little whore, doing this at her friends party, but no one is the wiser. He loves to squirt his load down her throat and have her then go back to the party and no one is the wiser and he continues to ogle the girls at the party and be naughty, pervy, older man.

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