I Need Your Advice…

Can we phone sex girls even count the number of times guys tell us their wives won’t fuck them? Nope. It’s so common, it’s awful, I really do feel badly for these poor guys, but no one’s putting a gun to their head to stay and most will not leave, no matter how deprived they are. It seems one this past weekend actually took my advice when I heard about how his wife hadn’t fucked him in over ten years. I told him to book an appointment with an escort and get some fun before it was too late. He did.

He messaged me to thank me the next day and said he was so excited, that he’d booked an hour with this escort and managed to fuck her three times in that paid for hour. The first time he said he didn’t last three minutes, which after over a decade is certainly understandable. He had a lovely time and wants to try and pursue getting a regular girlfriend on the side since wifey closed her legs permanently many moons ago. I seriously have zero use for these women to deprive their husbands, there’s just no need for it, but that’s why many of them call us phone sex girls in the first place.

Some have a good sex life, but have taboo fantasies and thoughts they know would not go over well, so they keep that separate from the wife and share that only with phone sex girls, which I also certainly understand. Many wives would be horrified if they knew their husbands wanted to suck cock, or get fucked by a strap on or wore ladies lingerie in secret, so these are the sorts of things they tell us. Just because your partner has closed down sexually is no reason you should be expected to as well, so either leave the relationship, or find fun on the side and be discrete about it. For fucks sakes don’t be a martyr about it, life is short, grab your fun while you have some good years left.

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Are You Watching Porn?

One thing we phone sex girls notice many times from callers is we hear them watching porn in the background. It’s very, very common to hear the muffled moans and groans in the background as a guy is on the phone with you. They love to watch porn as they masturbate, but of course it’s not interactive, they can’t carry on a conversation with the girl in the movie. Cam sex isn’t quite the same, since it’s not a movie, it’s a live person and usually they are alone, not fucking another person, so yes it’s interactive to a degree, but a guy watching porn while on the phone with a phone sex girl is getting the best of both worlds.

Many times they will describe the action to you as it’s playing out on screen for them, or even email you the link to the exact clip they are watching, so you can experience it to, oh the joy of that…They Love to be watching all the glistening cunt close-ups at the same time as talking to a real, live girl that is talking them through their masturbation. If they have a little dick, and oh so many do, they will say how much bigger a cock the guy on the screen has than they do, and how pitiful they are in comparison.

Watching porn sometimes is fine, but like every vice, all things in moderation. A steady diet of it will leave you desensitized and unfulfilled, since the sex you will get in real life, will surely never live up to the superficial expectations of porn sex. The women will not be as beautiful, you will not be as hung, as a treat fine, but be realistic and accept it for the fantasy it is. We may even talk with you about it, if you’re lucky!

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Fart Fetish Phone Sex

It seems fart fetish is experiencing some sort of renaissance, as I’ve had three fart fetish callers in the last week at least. How something so gross and smelly can be desirable, I’m not sure, but to some men they would rather a stinky fart right in their face than a whiff of fine French perfume. One was telling me how his former girlfriend would at least two times a day tell him when she felt a fart brewing inside and then she’d go sit on his face for him to fully enjoy it. Let’s hope she never had any surprise “sharts” that had more than a puff of air in them if she was right on his face. (For those not in the know, a “shart” is a fart with a tiny bit of liquid shit mixed in, so more than air escapes. Charming.)

Then he started asking me what gassy foods I loved, well, I’ve got to say, I love cabbage rolls, and cabbage, well, we all know about cabbage and what it does, so then he said he wanted those cabbage roll farts on his face, then beans, onions, eggs, all kinds of things he mentioned that make the farts all the smellier, since of course the smellier, the better, not just puffs of air did he want, he wanted blasts of air that smelled so bad a normal man would choke.

Fart fetish is an odd one, it makes you wonder what happened to them to start it all. Were they going down on a woman and by accident she farted and they weren’t horrified or disgusted, but by surprise they liked it? Was it some incident like that? One will never know unless they ask. Being the girlfriend of such a person must be a bizarre experience. Maybe they aren’t comfortable farting in someone’s face even if they are asking for it, consider all the things that would come with such a partnership, it could get awkward.

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Perversion in the Pumpkin Patch

Seeing as it’s nearly Halloween, I was shopping for some pumpkins at the local pumpkin patch on the outskirts of town, and I saw a man off by himself and he appeared to be doing something he shouldn’t, so being the curious gal I am, I went to have a closer look, and he was masturbating with a pumpkin. It looked like he’d cut a small hole in the side of one and was working it up and down his cock. I was a bit shocked considering there were families nearby, but he was far enough away that no one could see what he was doing unless they were close like I was.

He didn’t see me approaching him and I spoke out and said you shouldn’t be doing that here, that if you wanted to be a pervert and assault vegetables, to buy one and take it home and do it there. He looked so shocked, his mouth hanging open, as were his pants. He said he’d just been overtaken by such a wave of horniness he could stop himself and how he’d masturbated with fruits and vegetables many times over the years and it felt amazingly pussy like, so slippery and warm from the sun that had been shining on it warming it up.

He pumped it a few more times on his cock and came inside of it and then tossed it aside and then zipped up and went back to his car, he didn’t even buy one after using one! I stayed away from the ones he’d been around and found a nice one and bought it and went back home to carve it, as I thought about this pubic masturbator in the pumpkin patch.

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He Wanted To Take Charge

Normally I like to be dominant in the bedroom, but after watching some porn with blindfolded women in it, my boyfriend thought it might be fun if he could be in charge, and I like to try new things, so of course I agreed, and it went very well. We already had a blindfold and cuffs on hand, but I’m usually using them on him, so we just changed roles and role reversal can indeed be fun for all involved. I looked forward to him playing Master and me his sex slave and doing as I was told to do.

I let him cuff me and blindfold me and he was really horny, more so than usual even, so he wasn’t exactly being gentle and I was fine with that. I even told him he could choke me a bit and I loved it. He knew when enough was enough though and not to go too far, but he really gave it to me and fucked me hard and unrelentingly. I adore the size of his cock, it’s big, but not so big it hurts, and he was really ramming me full of it, all the way up to the balls and stretching me out.

I was cuffed and pinned down and the dominant side of me wanted to flip him over as I usually do, but I kept to the assigned role reversal for the night and just laid back and let him be in control. He told me to beg for his cock, to beg to be able to cum and I loved the sense of being degraded to beg for it, it made chills flow throughout my body, and then he allowed me to cum and he forced me to have five orgasms, and it was hot as any sex we’d ever had. I think I need to let him be in control more often.

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