Pretty Clitty

 

Women have always wanted to make themselves prettier with jewelry, but not that many go so far as to adorn their hidden parts. But some do, there is certainly jewelry for private parts. Ones can get their clit pierced, I can’t imagine such a thing, but there’s also non piercing adornments for ones parts that you put on like a sort of belt to highlight and show off your clit. My first thought is, does this woman have the nerve to wear this to the gynecologist? I’m thinking no.

It brings to mind a funny joke I read years ago, that’s been told online several times about the woman that was going to the gynecologist and used what she thought was feminine hygiene spray and when she was being examined by the Dr. heard, “My, how fancy!” She didn’t understand until she got home and saw it wasn’t feminine hygiene spray she’d applied to herself, but spray glitter for head hair.

I’m sure some guy going for your crotch isn’t really worried about dangling jewels, they would just get in the way and I shudder to think of the potential for injury should there be a clothing mishap and the jewelry get caught. OUCH! There is also jewelry for penises, what will people invent next to spend their money on, I sometimes wonder.

There’s many pictures to look at online if you type in clitoral jewelry, I have yet to think of an appropriate place to wear such items though. I’d hope a lot of people wouldn’t be seeing it. Would a woman be doing a leg crossing and uncrossing scene like Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct at a bar? The light catching the flash of goldtone between her legs? The thoughts are comical to me at best. 

 

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Pocket Pussies

What is a guy to do when he can get a girlfriend, he’s got a cold fish for a wife, not the balls to pick up and leave, and he’s too filled with fear to go to an escort? Well, masturbation of course, but what can the poor fellow do to make his routine a bit more exciting? A sex doll is a bit of a cumbersome toy after all.

Well I have heard great things from guys that use a pocket pussy. It’s not quite the same as a Fleshlight, but not too different either. I have heard from guys that just loved using theirs, that it made them cum really quickly and felt pretty close to the real thing. Just get out the lube and go to town.

Guys love pussy, and a toy like this can far exceed the pleasures of your own hand. I don’t have a cock, so I can’t vouch for them personally, I can only go by what guys tell me,and they really seem to like them.

One poor guy I used to chat with wanted one so badly, and although over age and a college student, felt he couldn’t order one through the mail since his parents would question its arrival in a box. I can’t imagine having such lack of privacy. The hardships young men, and no doubt girls too endure due to lack of privacy for masturbating is very sad to me.

I don’t have any children, but if I did, I’d like to think I’d be openminded. Buy my daughter a vibrator and my son a pocket pussy! And encourage them to have phone sex to further enhance their experiences. Far too much unneeded shame in the world over perfectly natural desires. One man called and said he felt guilty for being horny.

I said that was sad and so unnecessary. I said would you feel guilty if you were thirsty, tired or hungry? No, he said. I said then why would you feel guilty for being horny. He’d never looked at it that way. So enjoy your pocket pussies! No need for shame.

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Panty Sniffers

A sexual pleasure for many men is women’s panties. Dirty women’s panties. Still damp with pussy juices and the sweat of the day. How many countless callers do I have that talk about the stolen panties they have of everyone from their mom to their sister to the neighbor to their ex girlfriend that they bury their face in to masturbate with or rub the silky panties around their hardened cocks and know that crotch has been all over some dripping wet cunt lips…..

They go wild with the thought of it. They go into hampers in homes they are in and steal them, smell them, you name it. They love inhaling the very essence of the woman they were worn by, from their mother in law to the nanny of their children. I swear 1/3 of all panties must end up stolen, several I have spoken with have collections of worn panties of many different women.

Many like to not only smell them and masturbate with them, but try on the garments as well. Men call all the time wearing their wives or girlfriends panties that have absolutely no idea that they are using their panties in such a manner at all.

Something about how that tiny piece of clothing has rested against the pussy lips of that woman and absorbed her scent proves an absolute irresistible factor for these panty lovers. Some even love it if there is creamy discharge on the crotch, either some lubrication or ovulation that makes that yellowish stain on the crotch. They lick at it as though devouring an ice cream cone. Naughty, naughty boys…..

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Bagpiping

When I first heard a client mention armpit fucking, I thought he was just odd, as so many clients are. Then I heard about it somewhere else and thought, wow, there’s actually someone else into this weirdness????

Well, guess it was naive of me to think otherwise. The actual term is called, “Bagpiping”, as in it’s similar to how the bagpipe players have the bag and pipes under their arms to play.

It’s actually one of the non penetrative ways of sex that some use. I mean a tit or foot fuck seems normal in comparison to this! Horny guys will come up with anything to fuck, I am convinced of it. The same client mentioned fucking my ear, now that I don’t know if it’s a common fetish yet or not, I haven’t read up on ear fucking as of yet……But I recall years ago a funny Saturday Night Live skit on nose fucking and nasal contraceptive. Nothing would surprise me anymore.

I guess in the scheme of things it’s actually pretty harmless, but just seems kind of odd. How is one aroused by underarms? I wonder if ones adverse to shaved pussies that are into bagpiping are also wanting unshaved underarms, it would be the equivalent of pubic hair to them after all.

So many of these different practices illicit laughter when I hear about them, I can’t believe a guy is actually turned on by something that seems so downright comical and strange to me. “Hey baby, lift your arm for me and my hard dick.” doesn’t have quite the same ring to it as “Oh baby, open those sexy legs for me for my throbbing cock…”

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Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy…

This sexual position seems to be the second most popular with men. Woman on top. (Doggy being first choice by most men.) Men love to be able to watch their partner ride them and play with their breasts and sit up and suck on their nipples and play with her clit.

Many women do like to be in control in the bedroom, and being on top can definitely make them have that control they desire. They can control the speed and the depth that their partners cock is going to fuck them in by being in the female superior position. Lowering themselves down as much or as little as they desire. It’s often a good position for ones with partners that have an overly large cock, as they can control how much of it they are able to accommodate.

Men are such visual creatures, the woman on top position gives them full access with their hands and eyes to totally enjoy the view. It is one of the most popular positions for both. I have read many men have better orgasms with the women on top and in control. So many men love when their women take control sexually, whether it’s on top or through guided masturbation, men seem to love when women set the pace in the bedroom.

When a woman is on top, she can grind her clit against the base of her partners cock, or be able to rub it herself or have him rub it as well. With being able to rock back and forth, the position allows for the clitoral stimulation she needs to have that explosive orgasm that will grip his rock and drain his balls.

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