He Stuffed My Bird

Well, Thanksgiving was a few days ago, and it’s taken me this long to recover from it. I went to this large family gathering and many of us brought a guest and one of the guests there was a very good looking guy, a friend of my brother I hadn’t met before and we hit it off right away. He was flirting with me all through dinner and afterwards he asked me if I’d like to go back to his place. Normally I wouldn’t go with some stranger, but my brother trusted him and knew him, so that was good enough for me.

We drove back to his place and he was kissing me and feeling me up as soon as we got in the door. He really appealed to me and I was just as into him as he was into me and I soon was taking his belt off and slipping my hand down his pants and stroking his cock, which was already hard and begging to get inside my pussy. He didn’t have to wait long. Once we got to his bedroom, we were tearing each others clothes off and I was soon pushed back on the bed and spread open wide to receive his cock, which felt wonderful once he got it inside of me.

I was squeezing his ass cheeks and pulling him as deep into me as we could get him and I was bucking my hips up to meet his cock and have it grind against my clit with every thrust and it was so hot. It didn’t take us long to cum and we rested for a while and just kept going round after round. We spent most of the weekend in bed fucking. I at least got to burn off all the calories from the Thanksgiving dinner!

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I Need Your Advice…

Can we phone sex girls even count the number of times guys tell us their wives won’t fuck them? Nope. It’s so common, it’s awful, I really do feel badly for these poor guys, but no one’s putting a gun to their head to stay and most will not leave, no matter how deprived they are. It seems one this past weekend actually took my advice when I heard about how his wife hadn’t fucked him in over ten years. I told him to book an appointment with an escort and get some fun before it was too late. He did.

He messaged me to thank me the next day and said he was so excited, that he’d booked an hour with this escort and managed to fuck her three times in that paid for hour. The first time he said he didn’t last three minutes, which after over a decade is certainly understandable. He had a lovely time and wants to try and pursue getting a regular girlfriend on the side since wifey closed her legs permanently many moons ago. I seriously have zero use for these women to deprive their husbands, there’s just no need for it, but that’s why many of them call us phone sex girls in the first place.

Some have a good sex life, but have taboo fantasies and thoughts they know would not go over well, so they keep that separate from the wife and share that only with phone sex girls, which I also certainly understand. Many wives would be horrified if they knew their husbands wanted to suck cock, or get fucked by a strap on or wore ladies lingerie in secret, so these are the sorts of things they tell us. Just because your partner has closed down sexually is no reason you should be expected to as well, so either leave the relationship, or find fun on the side and be discrete about it. For fucks sakes don’t be a martyr about it, life is short, grab your fun while you have some good years left.

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Are You Watching Porn?

One thing we phone sex girls notice many times from callers is we hear them watching porn in the background. It’s very, very common to hear the muffled moans and groans in the background as a guy is on the phone with you. They love to watch porn as they masturbate, but of course it’s not interactive, they can’t carry on a conversation with the girl in the movie. Cam sex isn’t quite the same, since it’s not a movie, it’s a live person and usually they are alone, not fucking another person, so yes it’s interactive to a degree, but a guy watching porn while on the phone with a phone sex girl is getting the best of both worlds.

Many times they will describe the action to you as it’s playing out on screen for them, or even email you the link to the exact clip they are watching, so you can experience it to, oh the joy of that…They Love to be watching all the glistening cunt close-ups at the same time as talking to a real, live girl that is talking them through their masturbation. If they have a little dick, and oh so many do, they will say how much bigger a cock the guy on the screen has than they do, and how pitiful they are in comparison.

Watching porn sometimes is fine, but like every vice, all things in moderation. A steady diet of it will leave you desensitized and unfulfilled, since the sex you will get in real life, will surely never live up to the superficial expectations of porn sex. The women will not be as beautiful, you will not be as hung, as a treat fine, but be realistic and accept it for the fantasy it is. We may even talk with you about it, if you’re lucky!

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Fart Fetish Phone Sex

It seems fart fetish is experiencing some sort of renaissance, as I’ve had three fart fetish callers in the last week at least. How something so gross and smelly can be desirable, I’m not sure, but to some men they would rather a stinky fart right in their face than a whiff of fine French perfume. One was telling me how his former girlfriend would at least two times a day tell him when she felt a fart brewing inside and then she’d go sit on his face for him to fully enjoy it. Let’s hope she never had any surprise “sharts” that had more than a puff of air in them if she was right on his face. (For those not in the know, a “shart” is a fart with a tiny bit of liquid shit mixed in, so more than air escapes. Charming.)

Then he started asking me what gassy foods I loved, well, I’ve got to say, I love cabbage rolls, and cabbage, well, we all know about cabbage and what it does, so then he said he wanted those cabbage roll farts on his face, then beans, onions, eggs, all kinds of things he mentioned that make the farts all the smellier, since of course the smellier, the better, not just puffs of air did he want, he wanted blasts of air that smelled so bad a normal man would choke.

Fart fetish is an odd one, it makes you wonder what happened to them to start it all. Were they going down on a woman and by accident she farted and they weren’t horrified or disgusted, but by surprise they liked it? Was it some incident like that? One will never know unless they ask. Being the girlfriend of such a person must be a bizarre experience. Maybe they aren’t comfortable farting in someone’s face even if they are asking for it, consider all the things that would come with such a partnership, it could get awkward.

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Perversion in the Pumpkin Patch

Seeing as it’s nearly Halloween, I was shopping for some pumpkins at the local pumpkin patch on the outskirts of town, and I saw a man off by himself and he appeared to be doing something he shouldn’t, so being the curious gal I am, I went to have a closer look, and he was masturbating with a pumpkin. It looked like he’d cut a small hole in the side of one and was working it up and down his cock. I was a bit shocked considering there were families nearby, but he was far enough away that no one could see what he was doing unless they were close like I was.

He didn’t see me approaching him and I spoke out and said you shouldn’t be doing that here, that if you wanted to be a pervert and assault vegetables, to buy one and take it home and do it there. He looked so shocked, his mouth hanging open, as were his pants. He said he’d just been overtaken by such a wave of horniness he could stop himself and how he’d masturbated with fruits and vegetables many times over the years and it felt amazingly pussy like, so slippery and warm from the sun that had been shining on it warming it up.

He pumped it a few more times on his cock and came inside of it and then tossed it aside and then zipped up and went back to his car, he didn’t even buy one after using one! I stayed away from the ones he’d been around and found a nice one and bought it and went back home to carve it, as I thought about this pubic masturbator in the pumpkin patch.

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